Quality Hubby Time

So I feel guilty that I didn’t make it to the Book Club’s outing yesterday..  We had all planned to meet up at an art store to create clay pottery.  I was so looking forward to it!!  BUT… my birthday is this Thursday and my husband got me kayaks and a hammock..  I wanted to get on the peaceful lake and spend some quality alone time with my husband (we don’t get a whole lot of alone time).  It was MAGNIFICENT!!

We spent 2 hours working on our paddling technique and figuring out where to put things on a kayak.  We floated around and watched the planes fly over us as they were descending into the airport.. we talked about stuff that we don’t usually get to talk about because there is usually so many other things going on around us..  Just wonderful!

So while there is definitely some guilt about not going to the pottery class, I am so glad that I spent those 2 quality hours with Jason.  Sorry girls!!!!!!

Point of all this… sometimes we have to put our busy lives on pause and make time to spend with our significant others (or any loved one)..  We can’t get the past back.. there’s no reason to look back and think ‘if only I had made two hours available for my loved one’…

Acceptance

I have learned so much over the past two years.. I’ve learned how to live without my handsome boy, I’ve learned how to be non judgmental, I’ve learned how to be more understanding, I’ve learned how to be more giving, I’ve learned how to pace myself, I’ve learned how to appreciate everything and everyone that enters my life..

OK.. I say I’ve learned.. I guess what I mean is that I’m learning (because I continue to learn so much each and everyday).  The key to learning all these things has been ACCEPTANCE!  As this crazy world throws so many different situations my way.. I do my best to take in what is happening and just accept it..  I can’t change what has already happened (nobody can).. the past is the past, whether it’s something that happened 5 years ago or 5 seconds ago.. what’s done is done.. what is.. just is..  This is not an easy rule to live by..  I struggle with it often.. I want to fight against things that I just can’t change.  I want to make others think like me.  I want to go back in time and change choices that I made.  But fighting all this is such a waste of energy and distracts me from moving forward positively and prevents me from soaking in my present environment and the people in it!

So I take in what has happened, I accept what has happened and I move forward.  I don’t just move forward with my head down, telling myself that there is no hope.. I move forward with my head held high, determined to make future situations better..

This blog has stemmed from my recent conversation with the Wise County D.A.’s Office.  I have been waiting more than two years for the driver of the car that killed my son to go to trial..  Looks like I’ll be waiting til the end of summer.  I need this to happen to provide some closure, but I can’t make it happen any sooner than what the judge will allow.  I’ve accepted that the scheduling of this trial is out of my control.  I will continue to put daily effort into having a positive impact on other’s lives.  I will not let this wait.. this ridiculously drawn out wait.. consume my present life.  When it happens.. then I will be there to support my son.  Until then, I will live the way that would make him most proud.

Improving My Day..

It’s been a rough day…  Work took it’s toll on me, emotionally..  There is just no way to make everyone happy all the time.  What I can do, though, is keep a positive attitude, take care of myself and keep trying to always do what is right.  Not to say that I’m not going to be wrong sometimes… but striving to do right is what I truly put 10000% effort into.  So to help me feel better, I went on an almost 3 mile run.. did 300ish sit ups/crunches and decided to blog about turning my crappy day into a day to be grateful for.  If any of you have had a bad day today, please go for a walk or do some stretching..  I have found that the best way to clear my mind and get my mood back in check is to take some time (any amount of time that I can fit into my day) to simply stop thinking and do some sort of exercise.  It never fails me!  I feel good about doing physical activity which helps me be healthy and I removed my mind from what was making me feel down (which helps me feel like I can start fresh)!  I will now head to a warm bath and be grateful that I have hot, clean water to soak in.. I will close my eyes and think how I can make tomorrow be a good day for someone other than myself..  So yeah.. I DO feel better now!

It truly is the thought that counts…

Good evening Friends…  I absolutely MUST share what I experienced today.  I have a friend at work (we’ve worked together for probably a couple years).. we talk when we are around one another and he usually makes me laugh.  BUT..  we don’t call, text, email, meet up for double dates.. GREAT guy to know!  But I had no idea just how great until today.  I must give you a little back story before filling you in on what happened..

I’ve written before about my 17 year old passing two years ago.  His favorite cartoon movie was The Iron Giant when he was very young (I can’t tell you how many times I watched that movie… it’s really really cute).  I had the Iron Giant engraved on Bubby’s tombstone.. family, friends and myself have tattoo’s of the iron giant in remembrance of him.  Now that you know this, let me talk about today…

This guy tells me he has a gift being delivered to his home for me since last week.  I, of course, get super excited (thinking it’s some crazy pair of shoes or something—cause that’s just how I think).  His wife and small sons bring the gift to work today and hand me this beautiful bag with a beautiful ornament hanging on the front of the bag…  So I’m thinking, “That bag doesn’t look big enough to be containing a pair of shoes”… I pull out a framed drawing of the iron giant holding a small boy in his hand..

Of course my heart just melted.. and of course, the tears couldn’t be held back.. But I’m telling you .. the emotion I was feeling wasn’t necessarily because I received this beautiful, framed drawing of a character my handsome baby boy loved so much.. The emotion that just overwhelmed me was an emotion of disbelief and awe..  This great guy and his wife and children remembered (I honestly am surprised he even knew) how much this iron giant means to me.  They went out of their way (two years after the fact) to get me this piece of art, frame it and put it in such a beautiful bag with such a beautiful ornament..  I couldn’t hug them enough..

This act of kindness will never be forgotten.  I have many people in my life that have been so supportive and loving to me, but this… I never saw it coming.  I don’t know that I know how to express the appreciation of this loving act  (Of course I’ll always be here if these kind people ever need anything), but there are simply no words to explain how warm my heart feels.

I will use this feeling to remind me, as often as possible, just how important it is to stop long enough and think about what makes someone other than myself happy… truly happy.  What a beautiful act.. What a magnificent feeling I have.. I hope I can make someone feel like this one day..

What a difference 15 minutes can make!

Exercising is important to me.  I encourage just about anyone I come into contact with to move…  just move.  Even on the days that I’m too tired to go run for 45 minutes or too sore to lift weights for 30 minutes.. I MAKE myself do random exercises for at least 15 minutes.  It makes such a difference in how I FEEL!  Exercising is not just an attempt to achieve the ‘perfect body’… it gets our blood pumping, gets our minds off our stressful lives.  I feel like a new person when I’ve completed some sort of physical activity!! There are a lot of exercises that I cannot perform due to the pain in my knees, so I modify..  So.. my hope for this blog is to reach someone that is willing to give it a shot..  If you are not getting enough physical activity in your life, please dedicate 15 minutes-3days/week just going on a medium paced walk.  Anything is better than nothing!  You may feel so good that you decide to bump it up to 30 minutes!  Just get moving people!