I have learned so much over the past two years.. I’ve learned how to live without my handsome boy, I’ve learned how to be non judgmental, I’ve learned how to be more understanding, I’ve learned how to be more giving, I’ve learned how to pace myself, I’ve learned how to appreciate everything and everyone that enters my life..
OK.. I say I’ve learned.. I guess what I mean is that I’m learning (because I continue to learn so much each and everyday). The key to learning all these things has been ACCEPTANCE! As this crazy world throws so many different situations my way.. I do my best to take in what is happening and just accept it.. I can’t change what has already happened (nobody can).. the past is the past, whether it’s something that happened 5 years ago or 5 seconds ago.. what’s done is done.. what is.. just is.. This is not an easy rule to live by.. I struggle with it often.. I want to fight against things that I just can’t change. I want to make others think like me. I want to go back in time and change choices that I made. But fighting all this is such a waste of energy and distracts me from moving forward positively and prevents me from soaking in my present environment and the people in it!
So I take in what has happened, I accept what has happened and I move forward. I don’t just move forward with my head down, telling myself that there is no hope.. I move forward with my head held high, determined to make future situations better..
This blog has stemmed from my recent conversation with the Wise County D.A.’s Office. I have been waiting more than two years for the driver of the car that killed my son to go to trial.. Looks like I’ll be waiting til the end of summer. I need this to happen to provide some closure, but I can’t make it happen any sooner than what the judge will allow. I’ve accepted that the scheduling of this trial is out of my control. I will continue to put daily effort into having a positive impact on other’s lives. I will not let this wait.. this ridiculously drawn out wait.. consume my present life. When it happens.. then I will be there to support my son. Until then, I will live the way that would make him most proud.